7 Most Disturbing Balloons in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
For many Americans, Thanksgiving just wouldn’t Thanksgiving without sitting in front of the TV and watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. But while the parade is advertised as good clean fun for the whole family, some of the balloons in the parade are borderline disturbing. From freaky corporate mascots to downright creepy designs, these are some of the weirdest and scariest balloons that have been used in the parade over the years.
The KAWS Companion
New for 2012, the KAWS Companion has already terrorized the people of Hong Kong in sculpture form. This year, the sculpture has inspired a balloon in the Macy’s parade that will look something like the image above.
Seriously, what is that thing? It looks like a tumor-ridden Mickey Mouse that’s sitting on the crapper and regretting all of its recent life decisions. And how exactly are children supposed to respond to this sad, despondent creature as it flies over their heads? Parades are supposed to be joyous. This grey-toned monstrosity is just bound to make kids want a prescription for Paxil.
Tim Burton’s B
Featured in the 2011 parade, this Tim Burton creation has all of the typical Burton creepiness. The character, according to Burton, is made from leftover balloons, and longs to play with the other children and fly away some day. But with those jagged teeth and creepy grin, it’s a fair bet that most kids would run when they saw B coming. Burton’s other creations like Jack Skellington and Edward Scissorhands are creepy, too, but still have a bit of charm to them. B is just plain freaky.
There have been three different Ronald McDonald balloons over the years, and each was creepy in its own way. The one above, for example, looks like it’s about to start eating its handlers. I don’t care how much you love cheeseburgers: clowns are creepy. The only thing creepier than a regular-sized clown is a supersized giant clown, hovering over your head. We can’t be the only ones who think that the redness around Ronald’s mouth looks like blood.
Izzy was the mascot for 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta, but that didn’t keep Macy’s from using Izzy in its Thanksgiving festivities. Izzy was designed to be country-neutral and represent Olympic spirit. That thing looks like a big blue sperm in running shoes. Or maybe like a deranged, deformed Statue of Liberty. Where’s it going with that torch… and what does it plan to set on fire?
Some of the parade’s early balloons like especially creepy, simply because balloon technology wasn’t very advanced. If the goal of this 1937 parade balloon was to frighten children with a ghoulish spectre of law enforcement, then Macy’s succeeded. Between the sinister look on the cop’s face and it’s dangling, hot dog-shaped baton, this cop probably scared many kids straight. Slap a moustache on that thing, and it’d look a bit like Adolf Hitler.
Unless you’re over 70, you probably don’t know who Eddie Cantor is. For those of you not on Social Security, Cantor was a songwriter best known for the old song “Makin’ Whoopee.”
Here’s what Cantor looked like in real life (a far cry from the disfigured balloon creature above.)
The Nantucket Sea Monster
It’s a rat! It’s a snake! It’s a “sea monster,” apparently. This balloon was one of the earliest in the parade’s history, and was actually used as part of an early guerilla marketing stunt to raise awareness about the parade.
With those gnashing teeth, long tongue, and monstrous claws, this creepy balloon creature is the stuff of nightmares. Can you imagine what some unsuspecting child would have done if that hideous thing floated past their bedroom window?
Here’s the bottom line: keep a close eye on the kids at your Thanksgiving gathering this year. Watching a parade of creepy, dead-eyed balloons on TV might just drive small children insane.