“Lapless” Wannabe-Santa Sues Local Mall For Discrimination
WEEHAUKEN, N.J.– The weather outside is frightful…and so are the owners of a local mall, according to a disgruntled Santa Claus. A local disabled man is making waves in the community after being turned down for a position as a mall Santa.
52-year old Norman Jones argues that the Weehauken Mall unfairly discriminated against him. Though he fit all of the qualifications asked for in the job description, such as owning his own Santa suit, having a “jolly” belly, and possessing a full white beard, the mall still refused to hire him.
“Those b—— at the mall just don’t want a disabled guy scaring the kids. But I know I could do the job. Kids love me!,” Mr. Jones told reporters.
But a spokesman for the mall says that this case of “Grinchiness” is totally justified.
“Yeah, Norman came in to interview for the Santa gig, but we could tell right away he wouldn’t be a good fit,” mall manager Toby Narrows said.
When pressed further, Mr. Narrows added: “Look, the guy looks just like Santa. But he doesn’t have any legs! That means he doesn’t have a lap! So where the heck are the kids supposed to sit when they ask him for presents?”
Norman Jones was born with a rare genetic defect that prevented his legs from growing. Wheelchair-bound for most of his life, Jones is otherwise just a normal guy who wanted to make a little extra money during the holiday season.
The mall has since hired a different person to be their Santa for the season: a 17-year old student named Jeremy Bowler, who is skinny as a beanpole. Bowler is six feet tall, but weighs only 160 pounds.
“I guess it was just me and one other guy who applied to be Santa this year,” Bowler told reporters. “The other guy didn’t have no lap, so I got the job.”
The so-called “Lapless Santa” Norman Jones has filed a lawsuit against the mall’s owners. Many in the community feel bad for Jones, but support the mall’s decision.
“I mean, it’s terrible that the guy can’t get a job, seeing as he really does look like Santa,” one local mom said. “But Christmas just ain’t Christmas unless you get to sit on some stranger’s lap, you know?”
Tucker Cummings – The Dog Says Hello News.