Weirdest Appearances of Real People in Comic Books

There are two absolute rules in comics. The first rule: nobody who dies ever stays dead. The second: when sales start to drop off, the only cure is to feature a real-world celebrity in a “very special issue.” From child stars to US Presidents, these are some of the very strangest comic books ever written.

1) Honey Boo-Boo

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It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a chubby little redneck beauty pageant contestant!

Seriously, did nobody think it was a bad idea to have three adult men posed so they were looking up the skirt of a 6-year-old girl? What was this cover designer smoking? That photographer is going to go to jail when he tries to sell a photo of HBB’s undercarriage.

That being said, I want to see the issue where Honey Boo-Boo learns the secret family recipe for “sketti.” (Hint: it involves equal parts melted butter, ketchup, and shame.)

2) Pat Boone

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If you’re under the age of 90, you have no idea who Pat Boone is. That’s okay: you’re not missing out on much.

Boone was, at one point, the second most popular musical act in the country, right after Elvis Presley. Naturally, DC decided they just HAD to put Pat Boone in a Superman comic, which makes about as much sense as putting Justin Bieber in an episode of Star Trek. Lois Lane, of course, swoons when she sees this “sex symbol.”pat-boone-comic-out-take

Sadly, the spin-off series, Pat Boone, Musical Date Rapist never really got off the ground. Superman was probably just mad because Boone was a better singer.

3) Stephenie Meyer

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Oh good, another fine BlueWater comic. Before BlueWater unleashed that heinous Honey Boo-Boo comic on the world, they perpetrated an even greater crime: the Stephenie Meyer comic.

On the one hand, it’s nice that there are comics out there that try to present good role models for young girls. On the other hand, Stephanie Meyer basically got the idea for Twilight after having a sex dream. So that’s…huh.

The real problem is that Meyer’s characters are what’s interesting about her life…her pre-fame escapades are about as exciting as watching paint dry.

Then again, this “Female Force” issue is so full of misspellings and crudely drawn art that’s like a comic book version of The Room. What a hot mess.

Does anybody else think it’s weird that this is “Issue #1″? Like, is there going to be another issue in 20 years after she’s done a few more decades of coasting on book royalties?

4) Dave Letterman

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Oh, boy! Just want all the hepcats wanna dig on, man! It’s the Avengers, hanging out with David Letterman on his second-rate talk show. Clearly Marvel’s “Assistant Editor’s” month was pretty edgy stuff.

Is it just me, or does young Dave Letterman look exactly like Alfred E. Neuman? And what’s going on with Hawkeye’s fingertips? Did he just fingerblast the Grimace backstage? (Good luck getting that image out of your head.)

Clearly, Letterman was kind of a weird choice, even back in his younger days when he was presumably much cooler than he is today. But it could have been worse: they Avengers could have been stuck in a studio with Leno.

Now, if only we could get the modern Avengers to go on Piers Morgan. I’m sure he and Tony Stark would have a lot to say to each other regarding the gun debate…

5) Barack Obama

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BARACK! WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE?

I’m pretty sure when Michelle saw that cover, she did an epic eye roll. The First Lady can’t have been happy about some fantasy floozy attached to the leg of her husband.

I think that if President Obama started showing up to meetings on Capitol Hill with a giant, bloody axe, there wouldn’t be nearly as much gridlock in Congress.

In case you were wondering, there are other politicians in this comic, all of which have been given a Dungeons & Dragons-style makeover. If you ever wanted to see a Middle Earth-style Sarah Palin, this is the book you want.

What’s next? Jacques Chirac-man? David Cameron, Agent of SHIELD? Putin the Destroyer?

Actually, I’d totally buy a comic book about Putin. That guy’s basically a comic book villain already.

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